Ever since becoming a Mommy I have caught myself watching
other children and wondering why their behavior, development, etc was different
from Emma’s. Do not get me wrong Emma is
right where she should be but I was worried that I wasn’t doing something
correct as a parent when I looked at other children. Emma is almost 11 months old, says several
words, very interactive with people, crawling, pulling up, cruising from toy to
toy, and is an all around great child.
However, the past few weeks there have been a couple of shocking moments
that made me realize a very important lesson.
The moments are:
-
Eating at a restaurant and when Emma is finished I go
to clean the highchair and surrounding floor.
A waitress comes to me and tells me that in the 2 years that she has
worked there she has never seen a parent do this. I thought it was my responsibility, but guess
that is out of the norm.
-
Emma will watch people and interact with them. To the point that if they are not paying
attention to her she will make a noise to get them to look at her, so she can
talk to them.
-
A friend was sending a balloon home to Emma, yes my
daughter plays with balloons. When
another friend asked if she plays with balloons, and when I responded yes her
response was “she is going to die”.
-
At daycare Emma knows what the books are and is excited
to have books read to her. For example
last night we read a book while going to eat dinner. This morning she read the book to herself on
the way to daycare.
-
This morning she played with pantyhose while I was
getting ready for work.
So what lesson have I learned from all of this? I can be selfish and look at this as my only
chance to be a Mommy and guard her with everything in my control, or see this
as the only chance that she has at a childhood and let her experience it to the
fullest. I decided before I ever met her
that I would try with all of my might to make her childhood the happiest that I
could. This does not mean that she is a
spoiled brat, but instead that she is well loved, well cared for, and given
opportunities to enjoy life. I do not
want her to be withdrawn or afraid of being herself. What better way to do that than let her be
her.
I may do things that people do not agree with as a parent,
but that is not my concern. My concern
is my child, her safety, and happiness.
Yes she has fallen off of the bed (we both cried), she has mosquito
bites from being outside (who doesn’t this time of year), but she laughs and
smiles every day. Sometimes she gets
loud in a restaurant and we may get looks, but guess what I am thankful to God
every day that I was blessed with this child.
I read an article the other day where a mom said she never thought she
would be thankful for a temper tantrum until she never thought she would have a
child.
This is so funny but so true! As a parent after infertility I think we tend to be a bit over cautious. Ok a lot over cautious! In our mind we feel like everything we have been thru and
ReplyDeleteGod finally has entrusted us with a child we should guard them with our life and keep them in a bubble. It took some time but I finally had to learn this with Hannah. Now at 2 yr old, both knees are scraped, mosquito bites, and yesterday she came home with scratches on her face from the mulch. All with a smile! She still gets up after midnight and comes to get in our bed, some have an opionion about that but I wouldn't trade it for the world! I have decided that just because someone else don't think that I'm parenting right dosen't mean that I'm not. I read an article recently by Lysa Terkeurst that said not to take to much credit for the good in your kids and not to take to much credit for the bad in your kids. That instead of focusing on raising a "good" child focus on raising a God fearing child. It's amazing how one women can go on and on about stretch marks and how much weight she has gained and the other mother that has been thru infertily can call her birth marks beauty marks and weight gain happy fat!
It is also interesting how a lot of the "parental judgment" is from ourselves. I saw a 6 month old eating only table food and drinking tea from a cup and I wondered if I was doing something wrong. Then I realized that Emma is eating the food she is supposed to and only drinks milk, juice, or water. I see myself judging how I handle things and that is why I decided to write about it. We all parent differently, but I think infertility brings out your insecurities and weaknesses so you judge yourself more.
ReplyDeleteI think a God fearing child is a great goal to have for your child. we often worry about them getting hurt, but we can't make them live in a bubble either. there are things that I have told my own mother that we do or don't do with Emma. She may not always like it but she also realizes Emma is our child.
I totally agree with your post and your comments. I do agree that we give ourselves too much parental judgement. My big thing with Monkey is restaurants. I was fine with him making some noise because he is just 16 months; however, we have been out with my in-laws several times over the past few months and every time he makes one little sound my father-in-law tries to tell him to be quiet. A few weeks ago my father-in-law got so bad that the stress was more than I could take so I got up and left the table with Monkey and he was not being bad at all. I even went to school that next Monday and did a survey of my friends with kids to see if I was wrong in not immediately leaving the table the second he makes a sound or making him be quiet the second he makes a sound. I have never been bothered by children his age making some noise in restaurants because they are toddlers and that is what toddlers do. However, now I have become paranoid because if my father-in-law is bothered by his grandchild than surely strangers are too. Sunday we were eating out after church and I knew it had potential to be bad because Monkey is normally asleep before we can get in front of the public library from leaving church. He was very tired and got annoyed. Yes a few people were giving us that look but I was doing everything in my might to try to keep him happy. The former music teacher from my high school walked by and instead of saying he sure can yell or complaining about the noise he was making he smiled and said, "It sure does look like you have a singer on your hands." Why do I get so worked up about him making some noise in a restaurant and am I wrong in thinking it is ok for him to make some noise? Oh and by the way, I guess Monkey is going to die too because he can spot a balloon a mile away and plays with them. Heck yesterday he had the best time playing for about 30 minutes with a plastic yep I said PLASTIC Walmart bag and an empty tissue box. It was cute what he was doing and he was learning new things but I didn't dare take a pic and send it to mom because she would have had to leave work to come home and take the bag away from him. I didn't even tell her about it when she got home because I knew I would have gotten the "he is going to die" lecture filled with statistics on the number of children that have died from plastic bags I would have gotten. That is the joy of having a mother who is a librarian at the hospital.
ReplyDeleteI am fine with Emma making noise, I do ask her to be a little quieter if she really gets loud. It is part of being a child, and it isn't like she can carry on a conversation (that we can understand at least).
ReplyDeleteI think it is fine and understandable for a child to make noise. they are learning social skills, communication, and reading body language. Hopefully your father-in-law will realize that Monkey is just a child and is learning.
Emma is typically asleep before I can get out of the parking lot after church. Guess they use all of their energy while they are there.