A few of the lessons learned along our infertility and parenting journey. Some of these were very hard to learn, and some just seemed to make sense.
1. Trust God - He knows what He is doing. This was probably one of the hardest to learn. I kept wanting to question Him and had to learn to trust. Yes it took a while but I knew He had a plan for us. I just didn't know what that plan was until He was ready for me to know.
Proverbs 3:5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart do not lean on your own understanding.
2. Life goes on. Wait before you stop reading this and give me a minute to explain. Yes infertility is terrible, but the world is still going on. Your bills will still come in the mail, others will still get pregnant, you will have contant reminders of the pain you are feeling, and not everyone will understand what you feel. I found that I was still excited for some who got pregnant, was able to carry on conversations that didn't revolve around infertility, and for the majorty of the day be happy. I still had my bad moments, but I couldn't allow that to control my life. Infertility is difficult, but do you want it to define who you are? I chose not to. Eventhough it changed my life I decided not to let it be my life and what I was known as. Am I saying that your pain isn't real - by no means. Am I saying that a child doesn't matter that much - absolutely not. What I am saying is that even on the hardest of days with infertility life goes on.
3. Realize that not everyone with infertility handles it the same. Some want all of the tests possible, some want all the medications possible, some want all of the procedures possible, some do not want any part of that, some share what they are going through and some do not, some see other options as the plan for them and some want no part of it. And even two people who make the same choices and take the same steps will not be the same. Respect the differeces, realize it is their life, and get over it if you do not agree. We chose not to do all of the testing, but I do not think that is a road for everyone. Which ever road is best for you - take it. For us it was trusting God and waiting for Him to show us the road to take.
4. Let them live. You fought so hard for this life so do not hold them back. Of course every child needs guidance, restrictions, limitations, and know right from wrong. However, I see a lot of parents who fight so hard to have a child and then keep them from being a child. They will get bug bites, skinned knees, scratches, and who knows what else. However they are also learning, experiencing life, and learning who they are. Do I mean to let them run free,m no but do let them experience being a child. I realize that this may be my only chance to be a parent, but I know this is Emma's only chance to be a child. I pray that she looks back at her childhood and smiles. She is shown happiness, joy, love, and life.
5. Take a deep breath. They will cry, they will scream, and believe me they will test limits. During those hard times take a deep breath! They are not trying to be difficult, but look at everything that is new to them. They come into this world with no idea of anything, and we think we get the hard part because we don't get an instruction book? Just think if they had an instruction book they couldn't even read it! Take a breath, plan a day with friends, walk away, or whatever can calm your nerves.
6. Do not compare your child or your parenting to others. As long as you are keeping your child healthy and safe then you are doing your job. If you compare yourself or your child to others then you will always second guess yourself. I have seen other parents and wondered if I should push Emma to do more, but now I see that she is right where she should be. She is head strong, interested in everything, wants to explore, and I love every minute of it (okay almost every minute). I know that even in those rough parenting moments I would not change a thing!
7. Enjoy it! It is the biggest, scariest, and fastest ride of your life, but it is the best ride ever. Take time every day to enjoy your child. Paint, play, sing, dance, and enjoy the little moments in the day. You will look back and smile at even the most stressful moments.
These may help you along the way, if not just do right by God and your child and everything will be fine.
