You are my sunshine

In the mornings when we are getting ready for work and daycare Em always wants cuddle time.  Most of the time I hold her and we chat, but the past couple of weeks I decided to change it up some.  I have started holding her and while swaying back and forth singing you are my sunshine.

I do this not only for her but also for myself.  There will come a time that I can't hold her and sing to her, and while I have this moment I want to take advantage of it.  I may not be the best Mommy, let me take that back I know I am not the best Mommy.  There are times that I don't follow through with only one more book statement, that I let her have sweets when she probably doesn't need them, or keep a spotless house.  However, I try to do meaningful things with her, and instill in her that she is my sunshine.  She makes the grey skies blue again, warms my heart, and changes my day.

I do it for her, so she knows that she is a blessing, she does matter, and she is beautiful.  How often do we see teenage girls who do not value themselves.  Do not get me wrong all of that is not related to parenting, but a lot of it is.  The parents control what the girls watch on tv which leads to self image, but the girls also see their self worth from parents.  I want my daughter to know that she is not only beautiful but also smart, funny, and creative.  I want her to have her self worth, and know she is priceless.

If as parents we do not teach this then who will? Are we going to rely on the friends who may influence her to follow the crowd, or will we step up and remind them to be true to themselves.  Rely on the bullies to tell them everything that is "ugly" about them, or will we teach them how beautiful and unique they are made?  Rely on tv to show them how to dress to get what they want, or will we teach them that their value isn't based on less clothing?  You see every choice we make directly influences them.  Take a week and look at how you speak to your child, how you behave, and how your child is behaving.  Then next week change something about how you speak to your child, or how you behave take a moment and look at the changes in your child.

You see while we are so busy looking at how the world impacts our children we often miss how much we are impacting our children.  Last night Emma was playing and all of a sudden started singing you are my sunshine.  Now imagine if we continue to instill this into our children, and they are faced with a difficult situation how will they react?  I doubt when she is older and faced with a difficult decision she will sing you are my sunshine, but I hope she thinks of something wise that her imperfect mommy told her.  Maybe if she has a boyfriend that isn't treating her right, she will hear in her head how many times her daddy has told her that she is beautiful and he loves her.  Maybe when someone is telling her that she can't she will remember us telling her to try again.  I hope in those moments she is able to know her value, worth, and beauty.

Have you taken the time to tell your child that they are your sunshine?  No matter their age, they need to know that they are valued.  How many of us as adults need to know that we are valued?

The woman I am raising

A few weeks ago I saw the following quote on facebook and it really spoke to me, not only as a woman but also as a mommy.

It is so hard to think that I am in fact raising a woman.  While today she is my 3 year old firecracker, she is growing every day.  In the blink of an eye I will look at her and see a woman instead of my bubbly, giggling little girl.  I will admit that even typing that brought a tear to my eyes.  I look down and I have a sticker on my hand that she put there before school this morning.  I can hear her saying "mommy cuddle me" this morning.  So, yes it does make me sad to think that those days will come to an end and my little girl will one day go off and face the world as a woman.

I can't change the fact that she is growing up, but I can change how I approach her growing up.  I can sit back and be in tears or jump in and enjoy the ride.  I have loved every stage she has gone through up to and including this point in her life.  However, there is still a part of me that misses her being the baby that I rocked to sleep.  I can never get those days back, but guess what I can't get this morning back either.  I can take the extra minute tonight and tomorrow to cuddle her, but it isn't the same cuddle as I had this morning.

This morning I ran across the following article.  While I do not like some of the language in the article the message is very clear.  What do we praise more about our children their looks or their inner beauty?  I always try to tell Emma how smart she is, how nice she is, how helpful she is, but do we as parents do that enough?  Sadly when most women have low self-esteem it says that we do not do it enough. 

https://www.romper.com/p/what-happened-when-i-stopped-complimenting-my-daughters-appearance-3876?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=partnerships&utm_campaign=TheStir

I hope that you take the time to recognize all of the beauty of your child.  How do you make it a point to let your child know that they are smart, helpful, and wonderfully made?

Our Christmas

After the crazy year in our life Christmas was just what we needed. Since 2015 was so crazy with jobs and finances I wondered how Christmas would play out.

We went to have breakfast with Santa one morning and he was telling Emma how Santa represents the three wise men that went to visit Jesus. I had heard of parents telling their kids they could pick three gifts from Santa to represent the three wise men, but I hadn't given it much thought. This Santa continued to talk to her about Jesus and she told him that Christmas was Jesus's birthday. She then told him 3 things she wanted.

Later that same day we saw a different Santa and she also told that Santa the same 3 things that she wanted for Christmas. I realized this is a great way for her not only to realize what Christmas really is about but to also keep her from making a mile long list. She continued to tell people the same 3 three items that she wanted from Santa.

On December 23rd we made cupcakes for Jesus's birthday and talked more about his birthday leading up to Christmas. Santa brought her the 3 gifts that she asked for, and we had birthday cupcakes for Jesus.

I am so proud of her for not begging for each and every toy, and more importantly loves Jesus! I am so thankful for a churcg, family, friends, and teachers that not only love her but also point her to Jesus.

We had a wonderful Christmas and I loved learning how to make the focus of Christmas Jesus. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas as well.

When was the last time I washed her hair.

I ran across this article and it was completely breath taking because it is so true.

"I thought it was a night like any other night. I was folding the laundry on my bed, listening to my daughter sing her heart out in the shower. Then my throat tightened and I felt panic set in. When did I last wash her hair?

I ran to the bathroom and opened the door so I could yell inside, 'Katie, do you need any help washing your hair?'

Her reply brought tears to my eyes, 'No, Mama. I’m fine.'

I’ve always tried my best to appreciate every day with my seven children. There has been a motto I’ve lived with in parenting ever since I had my first child:

Make sure they remember joy yesterday, experience joy today, and anticipate joy tomorrow.

I just didn’t know tomorrow would come so soon.

I’m a firm believer in kids playing hard and getting dirty. And my two oldest daughters sure did that. Every day, they were out in the Arizona sunshine–climbing, digging, swinging, and getting very, very dirty. Children have to get dirty. It’s a universal law. And I’m not about to tamper with universal law.

But with dirt, comes baths. I remember when my two oldest daughters, Kelsey and Katie, would take baths together. I would wash their hair, then let them play in the bathtub for awhile. It was our routine. Then they got older. Baths turned into showers, but I was still there to come in and help them wash their hair. Then the hair washing turned into just helping them rinse out the shampoo. Then the rinsing turned into the occasional, “let’s go back in the shower and I’ll help you rinse that one spot on top of your head.”

Then came, “No, Mama. I’m fine.”

Here’s the deal with motherhood: It’s our job to raise independent kids; but no one tells you how to handle it when it really happens.

That night, it happened.

I thought back–When was the last time? When was the last moment I rinsed the shampoo out of her hair? Why didn’t I know it was the last time? If I would have known, I would have done a better job, or made it last longer, or kissed her head, or something.

I would have done something!

I couldn’t see the laundry anymore because the tears blurred my vision. But I kept folding. Folding and praying. 'God, help me remember how quickly this is going by. Help me appreciate every single day–even the hard ones. Show me the beauty in each moment–even the bad ones.'

The cure isn’t to slow down. That’s impossible. The cure is a heart of wisdom. The wisdom to know that broken dishes, stained clothes, and spilled food are never reasons to lose your temper. The wisdom to know that school assignments can always be done later, after the sun sets and the mud puddles have all dried up. The wisdom to know that every moment is a sacred moment–changing diapers, snuggling on the sofa, swinging at the park, even washing hair. They’re all sacred, if you can just slow down enough to see it.

There will be a last fort with chairs and blankets. There will be a last story before bed. There will be a last outfit put on a Barbie doll. There will be a last swing at the park. We don’t need to know when the last one will be. We just need the heart of wisdom to appreciate each one.

I took a little longer brushing her hair tonight. And I lingered as I put her hair into a single braid down her back. When I kissed her goodnight, it lasted a couple more seconds than usual. Because after seven children and years of thinking I had all the time in the world, I realized something. life will run off with you if you let it. Sometimes, you just have to stop and breathe it in.

Thank you, God, for braids before bedtime. Thank you for messy kitchens and legos on the floor. Thank you for noisy dinner times and late-night conversations, for forts, baby dolls, fingerpaint, and bedtime stories. Thank you for broken wrists and shampoo for brunettes. Thank you for teaching me to number my days. And, God, when I forget, please give me a nudge and number them for me."

By Hannah Keeley of For Every Mom



When was the last time you gave your child a bath, washed their hair, carried them, or buckled them up?  I already miss some of the things I used to be able to do for Emma - giving her a bath, holding her while she had her bottle, rocking her to sleep, and helping her get dressed.  

We have to live in the moment.  While we can't keep our children babies, we have to live in the moment as we will never have that moment back.

What do you miss?

Lasting impressions

We often do not realize the impact that we have as parents.  We worry about everything around our children, but often forget to look at ourselves.  It isn't just the friends at school, the shows on tv, the games being played, or the music being listened to that impact our children the most.  We impact our children the most.

We may yell at our children in a moment of anger, but that is carried with them for the rest of their life.  We may forget about it 5 minutes later, but you have already made that impact.  We may show our anger by say things, yelling, throwing things, but then wonder why our child shows their anger that way.  They are because we are showing them how to act.  We are showing them how to speak, and how to yell.  However, when they yell at us, or throw things we immediately want to punish them.  Who is punishing us for our bad behavior?

You may think it is okay because you are the parent, and they understand that you can do it but they can't.  How does that make sense?  It isn't like driving or voting there isn't an age requirement.  Why are we showing bad behaviors, but then get upset when they show the same behaviors?  However, if our children do something good we want to boast about how they are like us.  Guess what. When your child repeats your bad behaviors they are being like us as well.

Last night I saw a family in which the dad was being rude to the children.  I couldn't help but think of the lasting impression he was leaving.  Was he showing the little girl that a real man treats his children the way she was being treated?  Was he showing his son that he wasn't valued? The dad made comments about how everyone was looking at him, but he never thought to step back and look at his actions.  Needless to say he left an impression on us, and I am pretty sure it left a lasting impression on his children.

With our children we have to think of the lasting impressions.  Maybe we are angry, but how are we teaching them to react when they are angry?  Are we showing them to take a deep breath or yell, to count to 10 or to hit, to step away or throw things?  Not only that, but how are we teaching them to be adults?  I wondered once I got home how the dad would feel if the daughter grew up and was with a man treating her like her dad had just treated her.  Would he even realize that he had also treated her that way?  Chances are he would be angry at the thought of someone treating his daughter that way.  Never realizing he also treated her mom that way.

When you think about how you treat your children please realize that you are teaching them not only how to treat others, but also how they should be treated.  Should your child be treated with respect, love, care, and understanding?  Then you are the first person to teach that to your child.

What lasting impression are you leaving on your child?

Let's join together for more laughs and giggles.

Of course a day as a mommy isn't always laughs and giggles, but we need to take the time to add laughs and giggles to our day.  Not only do we need it, but our children also need it.  We can be rushed in the mornings, then they go off to school, then they come home to a stressed mommy and daddy.  They are just happy to see us and while we are happy to see them we often let life get in the way.  We are worried about homework, dinner, bath, bed, and forget to just stop and spend time with our children. 

While we do have to focus on homework, dinner, bath, and getting ready for tomorrow we also need to focus on enjoying our children.  Why not ask them to help you make dinner, or while dinner cooks take a moment to dance, or sing in the kitchen?  We have to show our children that they are important, not just tell them that they are.   Do you tell your child they are important, and more importantly do you show them that they are important?

I am not saying that I am the perfect mommy, I know I am far from it.  However, we all have to realize that our children will not always be the age they are now.  Emma isn't the cuddling baby any more, but I need to take advantage of the times that she does want to cuddle. 

Please don't take this as I am perfect and you need to be more like me.  I believe that all parents, and humans in general, can learn from each other.  If you have a parenting tip please share it with me, if you have a way to involve my child in every day things that I need to do, please tell me.  To me this isn't a competition of who is the better parent, but a way for all of us to become better parents.  Our children are facing an ever changing world that isn't the same as when we grew up, so we need to approach the world differently. 

There are many topics that as parents we have to face that are not laughs and giggles, and I believe it is better to face them together.  As women we often become judgmental of other women and mommies.  "Oh why did she do that?" "Why is she, or her child wearing that?" "Why did she just talk to her child that way?" However, we often do not think to stop and offer her.  I try to offer help, but also try to remember to ask for advice.

What parenting tip would you like to share with me, or wished had been shared with you sooner?

Raising Little Girls

Raising a little girl is sometimes trying, sometimes difficult, but it is always an adventure.  It is sometimes easy to get caught in the stress of the moment.  When they don't want to stop playing in the sink, don't want to get up out of the bed, or don't want to take medicine.  Okay those are some of the battles that I have had in the past two weeks, and we won't talk about all of the little battles in between.

Things I have learned about my child and myself.

1 - She is headstrong.  Goodness is she headstrong.  She wants to do what "big children" do, and wants to be independent.  She loves to add the water to her oatmeal, or help make dinner, or anything that is new and exciting to her.  Sadly she often doesn't realize that she can't do everything that "big children" do, such as climbing the big rock climbing wall at festivals.

The struggle as a parent is at what point are you holding them back?  If she wants to help with dinner I have to be sure that I am not preventing her from doing something that she can do.  I will be honest, I am sure there are times that I am holding her back.  I am not ready for my baby to grow up. However, I do have to teach her through her headstrong moments.

2 - She is watching every move.  She watches and learns, both good and bad.  She sees police and know they help people, she knows firefighters help people, but she also sees people do bad things.

I have to not only watch what I do and say but also what people around her say and do.  I can't jump on her for doing something bad if I continue to let her see bad behaviors.  If I let her watch shows with bad language then how can I punish her if she uses those same words.  I pay attention to what is on tv, what I do, what I say, and try to keep her away from situations that will teach her "bad" things.

3 - She will test limits, which may seem like testing me.  She is a toddler exploring the world, and she is wanting to know everything about everything.  Where the plane is going, why it is raining, why this and why that.  While this can be testing, she is also wanting to learn.  She isn't asking to get on my nerves, she is asking to learn.  How will she ever know if she doesn't ask or no one teaches her?  However, when she goes past the limits and gets into trouble that is when it falls on me and her dad.

We just had an incident where she acted out at school, and we talked about her not doing something even if others are.  My mom tried to be helpful by saying the other child may have influenced her.  My response was that she has to be held accountable.  I also stated that I am not raising her to be a follower, I am raising her to be a leader.  If at three years old I let it go that she was the victim of the other child then at what point does she not become the victim of her actions.

4 - She is the best thing to ever happen to me.  She makes my day better, and her cuddles take all of me worries away.  If I go home in a bad mood she brightens it up.  We never know what she is going to say or do.  I honestly don't know what we did for entertainment before her.  She is such a smart, beautiful, caring girl.

I have to continue to raise her to be strong, smart, and caring because I am not just raising a little girl I am raising an amazing woman.  She will be able to hold her head high and accomplish goals that she has in life.

Sometimes being a mommy (or parent in general) is hard, but we can't focus on the battle of today.  When Emma is throwing a fit, or wanting me to hold her all of the time, I often have to think to myself in a few years I will miss this.  I will not be able to carry her forever, I will not be able to hold her forever.  When I was pregnant my doctor told me not to worry as she said "you are pregnant today, so don't worry about tomorrow, today you are and that is all that matters".  I have to take parenting the same way.  Emma is 3 today, and I have to keep in mind that everyday she is changing.  I can't get tomorrow back, I can't get cuddles from her like when she was a baby, but I can get cuddles and memories from today.

Take time to enjoy your child today.  Your child may test you, but at the end of the day that child is growing, changing, and learning.  Enjoy your child because you will never get today back.