You are my sunshine

In the mornings when we are getting ready for work and daycare Em always wants cuddle time.  Most of the time I hold her and we chat, but the past couple of weeks I decided to change it up some.  I have started holding her and while swaying back and forth singing you are my sunshine.

I do this not only for her but also for myself.  There will come a time that I can't hold her and sing to her, and while I have this moment I want to take advantage of it.  I may not be the best Mommy, let me take that back I know I am not the best Mommy.  There are times that I don't follow through with only one more book statement, that I let her have sweets when she probably doesn't need them, or keep a spotless house.  However, I try to do meaningful things with her, and instill in her that she is my sunshine.  She makes the grey skies blue again, warms my heart, and changes my day.

I do it for her, so she knows that she is a blessing, she does matter, and she is beautiful.  How often do we see teenage girls who do not value themselves.  Do not get me wrong all of that is not related to parenting, but a lot of it is.  The parents control what the girls watch on tv which leads to self image, but the girls also see their self worth from parents.  I want my daughter to know that she is not only beautiful but also smart, funny, and creative.  I want her to have her self worth, and know she is priceless.

If as parents we do not teach this then who will? Are we going to rely on the friends who may influence her to follow the crowd, or will we step up and remind them to be true to themselves.  Rely on the bullies to tell them everything that is "ugly" about them, or will we teach them how beautiful and unique they are made?  Rely on tv to show them how to dress to get what they want, or will we teach them that their value isn't based on less clothing?  You see every choice we make directly influences them.  Take a week and look at how you speak to your child, how you behave, and how your child is behaving.  Then next week change something about how you speak to your child, or how you behave take a moment and look at the changes in your child.

You see while we are so busy looking at how the world impacts our children we often miss how much we are impacting our children.  Last night Emma was playing and all of a sudden started singing you are my sunshine.  Now imagine if we continue to instill this into our children, and they are faced with a difficult situation how will they react?  I doubt when she is older and faced with a difficult decision she will sing you are my sunshine, but I hope she thinks of something wise that her imperfect mommy told her.  Maybe if she has a boyfriend that isn't treating her right, she will hear in her head how many times her daddy has told her that she is beautiful and he loves her.  Maybe when someone is telling her that she can't she will remember us telling her to try again.  I hope in those moments she is able to know her value, worth, and beauty.

Have you taken the time to tell your child that they are your sunshine?  No matter their age, they need to know that they are valued.  How many of us as adults need to know that we are valued?

Lasting impressions

We often do not realize the impact that we have as parents.  We worry about everything around our children, but often forget to look at ourselves.  It isn't just the friends at school, the shows on tv, the games being played, or the music being listened to that impact our children the most.  We impact our children the most.

We may yell at our children in a moment of anger, but that is carried with them for the rest of their life.  We may forget about it 5 minutes later, but you have already made that impact.  We may show our anger by say things, yelling, throwing things, but then wonder why our child shows their anger that way.  They are because we are showing them how to act.  We are showing them how to speak, and how to yell.  However, when they yell at us, or throw things we immediately want to punish them.  Who is punishing us for our bad behavior?

You may think it is okay because you are the parent, and they understand that you can do it but they can't.  How does that make sense?  It isn't like driving or voting there isn't an age requirement.  Why are we showing bad behaviors, but then get upset when they show the same behaviors?  However, if our children do something good we want to boast about how they are like us.  Guess what. When your child repeats your bad behaviors they are being like us as well.

Last night I saw a family in which the dad was being rude to the children.  I couldn't help but think of the lasting impression he was leaving.  Was he showing the little girl that a real man treats his children the way she was being treated?  Was he showing his son that he wasn't valued? The dad made comments about how everyone was looking at him, but he never thought to step back and look at his actions.  Needless to say he left an impression on us, and I am pretty sure it left a lasting impression on his children.

With our children we have to think of the lasting impressions.  Maybe we are angry, but how are we teaching them to react when they are angry?  Are we showing them to take a deep breath or yell, to count to 10 or to hit, to step away or throw things?  Not only that, but how are we teaching them to be adults?  I wondered once I got home how the dad would feel if the daughter grew up and was with a man treating her like her dad had just treated her.  Would he even realize that he had also treated her that way?  Chances are he would be angry at the thought of someone treating his daughter that way.  Never realizing he also treated her mom that way.

When you think about how you treat your children please realize that you are teaching them not only how to treat others, but also how they should be treated.  Should your child be treated with respect, love, care, and understanding?  Then you are the first person to teach that to your child.

What lasting impression are you leaving on your child?